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Looking to spice things up in the bedroom and feel empowered while you're at it? Of course you are.
The good news is sexual wellness is the foundation from which all the latest sex trends stem—a promising sign that things are only going to get better in the bedroom from here on out. According to experts, in 2023 we will see a continued shift in attitude toward being more flexible and open-minded when it comes to our sex lives. Isn't it about damn time? Experts believe that this new sexual liberation will be reflected through normalizing sexual acts, desires, and attitudes that have previously gone unnoticed or unspoken. Related: Did you know we're in a golden age of lube?
Keen to hear more? We've enlisted sexual wellness brand Lelo and its in-house sex and relationships expert, Kate Moyle, to break down the biggest sex trends of the year.
Outercourse
Since 40% to 60% of women masturbate and only 18% (!) of women can orgasm from penetrative sex, it’s no wonder we are seeing a surge of nonpenetrative practices. Touching, kissing, teasing, and rubbing all count as “outercourse,” another name for nonpenetrative sex that's an essential form of pleasure and sexual wellness. Indeed, 45% of Brits find it easier to reach orgasm if they have engaged in outercourse; 56% of them see it as an important part of their sexual experience.
“More focus on exploration of the erogenous zones emphasizes the pleasure and play in sex, expanding the focus past penetration,” says Moyle. “What’s more, moving away from penetration is the perfect opportunity to explore the sensations on the clitoris.” (Now would be a good time to point you toward our guide to nipple orgasms.)
Sexual mindfulness
Mindfulness, the mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, is nothing new, but psychosexual therapists are lauding the benefits of using the art of meditation to boost our sex lives. (We've told you before: Sex meditation is a thing!)
“They have long been using mindfulness techniques to improve sexual well-being, by intentionally focusing on the sensations in the body and directing attention toward sensuality,” says Moyle. “Modern life is stressful and busy and, importantly, distracting—something that often negatively affects our sex lives, so sexual meditation can be super beneficial.” You're telling us?
It seems that people are catching on; 2022 saw the launch of Headspace's Women's Collection, which includes mindful exercises and content to focus on sexual well-being and desire, while apps like Ferly are helping thousands of women with audio-guided mindful content that's especially useful for those who don't know where to start.
“Our mindset plays a big part in our sexual experiences, so getting our minds and thoughts on our side can really help us to tune into our desire, arousal, and pleasure,” Moyle adds.
Mutual masturbation
“While traditional sex with your partner is a tried-and-true form of intimacy, there’s something salaciously hot about the ‘look but don’t touch’ aspect of mutual masturbation,” says Moyle. She suggests grabbing a toy for yourself, then have your partner use a sex toy of their own while you both enjoy the show—and sensations.
“Try facing each other, either standing or kneeling, as you pleasure yourselves,” she suggests. “Not only does this stance provide the best visual opportunities, but you’ll also be in the perfect position for midmasturbation smooches. Listen to each other panting, crying, moaning, and even roaring as you reach an orgasm that intensifies the entire experience and deepens the connection.”
Pelvic floor
Many women don't even consider the pelvic floor (or understand what exactly it does) until childbirth, but Moyle says it's also imperative while being sexually active, as it can be consciously controlled and used for pleasure and is something all genders should consider.
“Practice both relaxing and tensing your pelvic floor,” she suggests. “People with a fundamentally high level of body tension, who may also often clench their jaw or are used to pain in the area of the eyebrows and lower back, can really benefit from relaxing the pelvic floor. For others, it’s simply another avenue to increase pleasure.”
Specifically, during sex, the movement of the pelvis, in combination with the tensing and relaxing of the pelvic floor, can increase arousal and powerfully support the path to orgasm. “You have a clear advantage if you already know your pelvic floor and can use it without thinking too much,” she says. “If not, there is always time to practice during foreplay or solo play; and build longer, stronger orgasms.”
Want to get going? Squeezy is a brilliant app that helps you build up your pelvic floor through preset, guided plans.
Anal masturbation
We've gleaned that 2023 is all about self-love and self-exploration, so it’s no surprise that exploring all areas of the body is becoming more accepted—and that's where anal masturbation comes in.
So how do you do it exactly? As Moyle says, “There are many ways to explore this new arena of pleasure; beginners already have the tools on hand, literally, as using a lubricated finger is a great way to begin practicing. Once more comfortable, using sex toys for anal masturbation is the next step—something that we’ll be seeing a lot more of this year.”
Upgraded missionary
In a year of new kinks, sexual practices, and relationship styles, whatever happened to good old missionary? Turns out, nothing. People are still keen as ever for the longtime favorite, with searches for “missionary” having increased by 22% over the past year.
Of course, everything old can be made new again, and classic sex positions are no exception. As Moyle explains, “To take missionary into 2023, there are opportunities to be more mindful while in the position: making intentional eye contact with your partner, focusing on all the erogenous zones, and synchronising breathing together to take things into tantric territory. Partners can also use the position as an opportunity to explore power play or incorporate new sex toys.”
Thinking about trying out some of these trends this year? Make sure you check out our guide of the best sex toys for couples. Staying in for date night never looked (or felt) so good.
Praise kinks
You've probably experienced blushing when getting a compliment, right? But what if you experienced a physical response in other areas of your body? The praise kink—with more than 510 million views on TikTok under the hashtag #praisek1nk—is set to be a growing trend for the rest of the year.
The kink encompasses being turned on by compliments, affirmation, and general praise, before or during sex. As much as most people love receiving compliments, someone with a praise kink will be sexually aroused by them. Common phrases used among those with praise kinks include “good girl/boy,” “Your [insert body part] is perfect,” and “I love it when you [insert sexual activity].” Sex that makes you feel good both emotionally and physically? We're here for it.
