We've all watched and read about plenty of kinky sex ideas (we'll never forget you, Fifty Shades of Grey), but how many of us felt emboldened enough to take those kinks beyond the page and into our bedrooms? If you're looking to shake things up, there are plenty of easy and exciting ways to do it. From the tame to the wild, we've rounded up the 31 best kinky sex ideas to spruce up your sex life.
But first, it's important to remember that consent is key. When sex happens to be kinky—which can involve varying power dynamics, roles, and new-to-you sex toys—open communication is absolutely vital. So before you try anything new, talk with your partner (or partners) about boundaries, limits, and expectations. Make sure you are both feeling safe and comfortable.
This conversation can even be a part of the foreplay—make it fun by speaking on your fantasies, curiosities, interests, and what turns you on in that same conversation. Researching together how to have better and longer sex can be a massive turn on. So if you've always wanted to learn how to squirt…speak up!
Just know that consent is ongoing, which means you must continue to check in with your partner throughout the experience. Because a yes at the beginning of kinky sex may not apply to everything that arises. Once you’ve had these conversations, it’s time to get started. Here are some of our favorite kinky sex ideas. (Ready for more? We have a whole list of kinks and fetishes you could try.)
1. Take it to a mirror.
The next time things are heating up, whisper in your partner's ear just how sexy they look—and suggest you get an even better view. Lead them to a mirror and lean yourself in front of it, allowing them to enter you from behind and/or reach around to stimulate you from the front. You'll get to watch them enjoy themselves, and they'll get a view of you from every angle. It's also fun to lean a mirror next to your bed, so you can watch as you get it on from different kinky sex positions.
2. Talk dirty.
Turn up the heat on your dirty talk by describing the sensations you're feeling, giving gentle encouraging directions, and telling your partner(s) what you want to do to them before you do it. “Figure out which words you and your partner(s) enjoy using and hearing and communicate these with the other person ahead of time,” says Kat Kova, a registered psychotherapist who specializes in individual, couple, and sex therapy. “This means you can avoid giving them the ick and know what will be likely to really get them going.”
Wading into the world of dirty talk can feel a little daunting or unfamiliar for newbies, but there are plenty of ways to learn. Plus, it’s an incredible way to strengthen your communication inside and outside of the bedroom. All you need to do is begin with a slice of curiosity. “It’s important to get familiar with the words they like being used to describe their body parts,” says Kova. “For example, you may be turned off by someone saying cock but turned on by someone using the term dick. Incorporate these words into phrases that describe what you'd like to do in the future, what you are doing in the moment, and what you have done before that feel arousing to you.”
You may also find that whispering about how touch feels or being forward with what you want enhances what you're experiencing in the moment. To work up the courage to be more forward, take some time to practice dirty talk on your own. “Practice saying words and phrases you like out loud on your own in front of the mirror, make it personalized (don't use general terms but make it specific to the person), and then you are ready to go,” says Kova. “Just be patient with yourself in this learning process. It may be new and so it may feel funny for some time, but with practice, you will feel more free and confident to use it to spice up your life.”
3. Get icy.
We're not talking about the old cliché blow job tip of popping an ice cube in your mouth before going down on your partner. (Though if that does it for you, by all means go for it!) Ice cubes are the cheapest sex toy around, because it allows you to experiment with hot and cold sensations that can make for an exciting sensory session. Try trailing the ice cube over your partner's body when things get steamy for a chillingly good sensation.
4. Send a racy text.
Be as brave as your vocabulary permits. You can send a simple, suggestive message—“I can't wait to touch you tonight,” for example—or something more bold, such as a step-by-step guide to what you'll do to them the second they walk through the door.
5. Tie them up.
Maybe you've backed off the idea of bondage because buying handcuffs or other restraints feels a little too unfamiliar for you. If that's the case, beginners should try something a little more subtle in the BDSM world, like a tie or scarf. You might surprise yourself—these simple items can open up a world of BDSM sex positions.
You can start by playfully wrapping it around their wrists and securing them to a chair before going down on them. Or, if you want a more submissive role, ask your partner if they'd like to tie you to the headboard and have their way with you. We're guessing you're going to get a resounding yes.
6. Use a blindfold.
In terms of kinky things to try, you can’t get much better than the simplicity and thrill of incorporating a blindfold. You can take that same tie from above and use it as a blindfold, shielding your partner's eyes from your next moves and lightly tickling them, or taking away your own sight while he or she goes to town on your body.
When you block off one sense, your body intensifies its others. Touch will feel extra electric and surprising during these sex acts—just make sure you have a safe word established in case you become too overwhelmed.
7. Nibble and bite.
Nibbling and biting during sex is a sign of passion. It's a little naughty and a lot hot—the perfect way to show how turned on you are. While you're making out, test the waters for the first time to see whether your partner is okay with a little teeth by gently nibbling on their lip. You can also gently drag your teeth over your partner's shoulders in between sensual open-mouth kisses on their skin.
8. Try ultra-relaxing foreplay.
Two words for you: naked massage. In these stressful times, we could all use some extra TLC, so offer your partner a sensual massage. For this foreplay idea you need nothing more than the lotion you already keep by your bedside—though you can experiment with various lubes, oils, or massage candles—and be prepared for things to heat up quickly.
9. Dress up.
Sometimes kinky sex is all about escapism. It can be a massive turn-on to move away your everyday roles and routines in order to become a sexier, more daring version of yourself, even if it's only temporary. If you find that you're living your days in sweats, dressing up right before you get naked can be a good way to get yourself in the mood. And why not try a uniform? If you're looking to get out of a rut, dressing up as a doctor or a French maid could be a sexually kinky way to pull yourself out of a funk.
10. Spank them.
Spanking can be hot. That being said, it's best not to give a whop out of nowhere that will just startle your partner and kill the moment. Next time you're having that kind of passionate, animalistic sex, give them a light smack on the butt cheek with an open palm. If they seem into it, you can spank them a little harder. Studies have shown that arousal raises our pain threshold, so get after it! Just be sure to communicate with your partner before sex to understand their level of interest in this kind of touch.
11. Or pull their hair.
Don't underestimate the appeal of a firm tug on your partner's hair. The next time they're going down on you, run your fingers through their hair and get a grip. Give it a gentle pull and see how they like it. The trick to making it feel good rather than hurt is to grab a bigger handful hair and to pull slowly and closer to the scalp.
12. Get loud.
Don't be afraid to express sexual fantasies as loud as you can. There's an incredible freedom in vocalizing what you want and how good you're feeling—and your lover is definitely going to be all ears. If you need to drown out a little bit of the sound, shut those windows and crank up the music.
13. Let your partner watch you masturbate.
This definitely requires some boldness, but putting on a show by letting your significant other watch you pleasure yourself can be deeply empowering. Look straight into their eyes while you do it, and it won't be long before they're begging you to let them take over.
14. Drip hot oil on your partner with a massage candle.
Don't be scared: Massage candles are safe and will not burn you. They're specifically formulated to heat up and turn into a sensuous oil that you can rub all over your partner (just not inside your partner—it's not meant to be used as lube). After the candle turns to liquid oil, blow it out and it will stay liquefied for 30 minutes, which is plenty of time to gently drip it onto your partner and give them a spicy rubdown.
15. Leave the windows open.
Engage in a little light exhibition by leaving the blinds open or the window cracked, depending on how far you want to take it. The juxtaposition of the outside world and your private, inner sexual play makes things all the more exciting.
16. Experiment with role play.
There's a reason role play is one of the most common sex fantasies: It gives you a chance to let loose and act in a way that you wouldn't necessarily behave ordinarily, and that's incredibly freeing. “Role play can allow you to access your shadow self, the parts that we hide, suppress, or disown in ourselves,” says Kova. “It can help you touch parts of yourself that you are disconnected from or otherwise fear.”
Kova says an example of this would be a power play in which a highly in-control, ambitious person takes on the role of secretary. (The appeal is in trading one's need for power, control, or status for subservience or obedience.) Whether you're trying boss and secretary as mentioned, doctor and patient, student and professor, or anything else, role play is a harmless way to live out a fantasy and get kinky.
An excellent way to begin experimenting with role play is by sharing your fantasies with your partner. Use as much detail and imagination as you can. “This can help you to find out whether there is interest from the other side,” says Kova. “It can also define and clarify the 5 W's (who, what, where, when, and why). Who are the key players, and who takes on what role? What are you doing at the start, middle, and end? And what is being done to you versus what you are doing to the other? Where would the exploration begin, and where does it lead? When (the time of day, year, season, stage of life)? Finally, the why. Let your partner know what this fantasy means for you.”
This final W—the way—is the most important. It means you can form a deeper, more meaningful connection with your partner, and help the both of you to understand how unlocking this fantasy would help you to access, heal, or achieve.
17. Play with sex toys.
Hit up a local store or online sex shop and stock up on naughty goodies. Try edible panties, cock rings, butt plugs, or vibrators—there are plenty of options that will spice things up and help you get your freak on.
18. Try new positions.
We all fall into routines, even when it comes to sex positions. So make time to shake things up and experiment with new kinky sex positions you've never tried before. Familiar with the Chairwoman or the Coital Alignment Technique? No? Then you might like to check out our comprehensive guide to creative sex positions or this one for different face-sitting positions. You can read it all in one go, or simply bookmark it for a rainy day.
19. Don’t forget the pleasure of oral sex.
Sometimes we get to the main event way too quickly—oral sex can be a great way to slow things down and prioritize your pleasure.
20. Get steamy in the shower.
There a plenty of kinky ideas that you can even incorporate into your busy daily routine. Case in point: Hop in the shower with your partner and get busy—just be careful of slippage!
21. Have some strap-on fun.
Getting a strap-on and penetrating your partner is a whole new experience that switches up the dynamic and can lead to some sex sessions you'll never forget. “Among many other possible benefits, using a strap-on can be a great help to add variety to your sex life, ease feelings of gender dysphoria, give you the benefits of topping or bottoming, subvert rigid gendered dynamics or scripts, and for those assigned male at birth, to access the prostate for potentially more powerful orgasms during sex,” says Kova.
If you're into the idea, talk to your partner. As always, healthy open communication about sex is key. If and when you’re ready to go, resist the urge to do it the easy way and purchase your strap-on online. “If you are able, have time, and can comfortably tolerate any discomfort that arises, I would recommend that you go to a good, local, independently owned sex shop and ask a sales associate to talk you through what you would need,” says Kova. "They will likely ask about your level of experience so far to determine the size of dildo that may be most suitable, whether you have any allergies or disabilities so they can determine what will work best for you, help you pick the right lube, and discuss the importance of slowly working up to any kind of vaginal or anal penetration.”
There are a number of ways you can work up to penetration, including beginning with gentle licking, rimming, resting a thumb gently on the anus, or inserting a small finger very slowly while checking in and applying and reapplying plenty of lube during this process.
22. Get a sex pillow.
Sometimes angles can make all the difference. So here’s an easy sex tip: Get a sex pillow. All kinds of new angles will become available, making the same old, same old suddenly feel anything but ordinary.
23. Make a home movie.
Smartphones make it easier than ever to make an X-rated home movie. Even if you watch it once and delete it, you'll always have the experience in your memory. Just make sure to keep digital safety in mind—and that any content stays exclusively on your phone.
24. Have anal sex.
Add another mind-blowing entrée to the menu: anal sex. With the right preparation and mindset, taking things to the back can be the kinky sex idea you'll be thankful you tried.
25. Watch porn together.
If porn is something you enjoy, why not watch it with your partner? Chances are your attention will quickly turn to each other rather than the screen, and the moans coming from the background will keep the mood ultra sexy. You can share with each other the kinds of material that you normally check out, or switch things up and look into a wider range of kinky porn. Not ready for that quite yet? Start with one of these sexy movies instead, or explore one of these sex games.
26. Get down in public.
Whether it's in an elevator, an airplane, or the back alley of a bar, there's something inherently kinky about getting it on where you're not supposed to. To fake the feeling at home, do it in front of the window. Just be aware that though you are consenting with each other, this doesn’t mean that strangers have consented to seeing you.
27. Forgo panties.
This is one of those simple but effective kinky sex ideas: Just forget to wear your underwear and casually mention it to your partner. Or, better yet, take them off in the bathroom at dinner and when you return the table, discreetly hand them to your partner with a sly smile. Check please.
28. Have sex on your period.
Period sex doesn't have to be off-limits. In fact, there are plenty of benefits to having period sex—including increased lubrication and heightened sensitivity. If you've never tried it before, or are worried about a mess, start in the shower.
29. Lounge in lingerie.
Wearing underthings that make you feel confident and sexy is the ultimate self-turn-on. Even if you're wearing nothing but sweats around the house, slip on something that makes you ready for action underneath—it will be a sexy surprise for both of you.
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30. Find pleasure in the fridge.
Bringing food into the bedroom can be oh so hot. Make an ice cream sundae, but rather than top your vanilla confection with hot sauce or whipped cream, rub a dab on your lips or neck and ask your lover to lick it off. As things heat up, paint some of your other erogenous zones with deliciousness they'll lap up with pleasure.
31. Did someone say “threesome”?
Threesomes are something of a sex dream for many people and adding another player into your bedroom games IRL can be a memorable adventure. Just make sure to communicate with all parties involved, be safe, and find the right person.
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