It’s still winter. Politics sucks, the weather sucks, and we’re all sick of being inside. Our Winteritis stories are for women who can’t read another think piece, who’ve pushed the outer limits of time it’s possible to spend on social media, and who kind of want to shop online and hibernate until spring is here.
Winter has really not been nice to us this year. Last week much of the country (and the Midwest in particular) was plunged into record-breaking cold that literally made people's eyelashes freeze. Ah yes, the season during which staying cozied up inside isn't just nice—it's vital to keeping your face from freezing.
If you eventually run out of options on Netflix and can't bear another minute of aimlessly scrolling through social media while you're cooped up inside, consider turning up the heat with a little snowed-in sex. Let these women's stories inspire you to huddle together for, you know, "warmth."
"I'd been chatting with a guy for a couple of weeks, and we decided to meet for drinks on Friday night after work. As we sat down at the bar of a fancy hotel near my office, he asked me if I'd seen the weather report—a big blizzard was apparently on the way. He was super handsome, and our texting had admittedly gotten pretty hot, so I followed my first impulse and said, 'Why don't we just…stay?' We found a room on HotelTonight, got a few drinks in us, and headed upstairs so turned on we almost didn't make it to the room. As it turned out, the blizzard was bad, really bad. The hotel sent all but a skeleton crew home for the night, so there was no room service, the bar was closed, and we had absolutely nothing to else do except tear it up in the room. We tied each other up with bathrobe belts, took a long, hot shower together, and stayed up all night playing. We eventually fell asleep around dawn and woke up to a bright, sunny day in a great mood."—Kat, 31
"My partner and I love snowed-in sex so much that we've been hoping she'll have a snow day from work! When we were in college, there were a few times that we stayed up late having sex because we either already knew we had a snow day the next day or we were pretty certain classes would be canceled. Those were some of my favorite nights—staying up late with friends, watching movies, laughing, playing games, and then falling asleep next to her after having late-night sex that we'd never have if we had 8:00 A.M. classes the next day."—Alaina, 25
"A few years ago, when my first son was only five months old, Tennessee had a rare snow day that kept my husband and me from work. My son had started taking consistent naps around lunchtime, so while he slept, my husband and I spent some (also rare) quality time together. Apparently, the time was too quality because five weeks later I was told that I was five weeks pregnant."—Lola, 30
"During the polar vortex, school was canceled and businesses were closed, so I had a few days where I could work from home and definitely didn’t want to go outside in the frigid arctic tundra. I've heard about 'polar vortex babies' and that more people having sex during blizzards—why not take advantage of that idea solo? I took a nice hot shower, dressed up in some lingerie, and used my vibrator. It was as good as the real thing with none of the drama."—Tessa, 28
"Last year my husband I were trapped inside for a week during subzero temperatures. After watching as much Netflix as we could handle, we basically just looked at each other, shrugged, and headed for the bedroom. I made him stay under the comforter because I was freezing. I think we lost a few pounds from sweating so much. Basically a win-win all around!" —Natalie, 30
"We did it on the floor when the radiator was blasting. It was fun, and although there was a blizzard outside, I still opened all the blinds and let the sunlight bleed in. It makes it sexy without being boring and mundane, almost like you're outside." —Gretchen, 23
"My daughter was conceived during ice-storm sex. Ten years ago our town was pretty much shut down by a huge ice storm. The Internet went out, so we went to bed. Eight months later she was born! She was six weeks early at the time, but the hospital was already seeing a baby boom from the storm." —Sarah, 40
"I fell into conversation with an incredibly funny, interesting man as we both waited for friends after a play one winter night at Montana State University. We ditched the friends, walked and talked until four in the morning, and ended up having frantic, fully clothed sex on a snow bank in a city park. We made our way to his cabin in the mountains near Bozeman and, a few days later, woke up to find that the door and windows were fully drifted over. We stayed inside for two days, drinking coffee and playing Scrabble by the wood stove between long sessions of crazy lovemaking. The surrealistic ice cave environment was so silent and strange. The filtered light was weirdly erotic, and it was compelling to feel isolated that way, perfectly private with this one other human being—no distractions. Fast-forward 36 years and he’s snoring in bed next to me. I’m still stupid in love with the dude." —Joni, 57
Irina Gonzalez is a freelance writer and editor based in Florida, covering food, wellness, relationships, travel, and Latinx culture. Follow her at @msirinagonzalez.
