Hello from your friendly Amazon Sex Toy Review Lady! You know the one.
After my orgasmed-so-hard-I-saw-God review went viral, I got the job of reviewing sex toys for Glamour. So maybe I really did die and go to heaven. Either way, here I am, ready to review every sex toy I can get my hands on from a busy mom’s point of view.
On deck today: the Maude Vibe.
Maude is not your average sex-toy company. There's no hot pink silicone, no racy innuendo, no grab bag of toys to peruse. In fact, Maude makes only one vibrator, an understated, elegant sculpture of a thing that looks so classy you could leave it out on your nightstand as art. And at $45, it's an honest-to-the-orgasm-gods steal.
Straight out of the box, I was loving the canvas travel pouch my girl Maude comes in. The size is perfect for carrying the vibe, and any TSA-approved bottles of lube, plus condoms, etc. It's high quality and seems very durable. In fact, the vibrator itself is very travel-friendly with its locking feature. Translation: No embarrassing vibrating bag shaking across the floor or flustered "Oh, that's just my other phone?" moments.
If the bag was this gorgeously crafted, I couldn't wait to see the vibe itself. And lo! It did not disappoint. The vibrator is made of supersoft silicone, the quality of which is fantastic—one of the best I've felt so far. The design itself is basic, sort of a soft cone shape rendered in an oh-so-elegant alabaster. This thing could look totally at home in a museum, but naturally, being the goofball I am, I proceeded to hold it on top of my vagina and tell my husband, "Look! I'm an exclamation point!" I honestly have no idea how he deals with me on a daily basis.
Okay, back to business. The vibe fits perfectly in the palm of my hand, not too big, not too small. Very ergonomic. (I'm using my fancy words now!)
When I turned it on, I could immediately tell that it was pretty strong, yet still quiet—no one wants to sound like they are getting jackhammered in the spasm chasm. Some vibrators I have owned sounded like that scene from Men in Tights where the sheriff of Rottingham is trying to break into Maid Marian's chastity belt. Before kids that's not a huge issue, but now it's definitely a no-go.
I quickly discovered that most of the power in this little baby is concentrated in the tip, which allows you to be precise with exactly where you want the pressure and vibration to hit the most. Its shape and length allow it to press against pretty much your entire inner labia if you desire full coverage vibration, not just clit action.
This worked well with and without lube. I usually don't use lube, but I'm doing this for science, so I tried it both ways. Even when wet, it doesn't slip much from your grip. (Which can happen with the non-silicone hard surface toys I've tried and is a real pain in the ass.)
Simplicity is definitely Maude's best feature. With just three settings and one button, it's not hard to switch it up quickly if you need to give your business a break so you can drag out an orgasm, or to ramp things up to hurry it along.
Its also fantastic to use with a partner. So many places you can stimulate! Along the shaft, the balls, nipples. Your head, shoulders knees and toes, knees and toes. (I don't recommend eyes and ears and mouth and nose, however.)
For me, Maude's Vibe seems best suited for when you just want to relax into an orgasm and let the stress of the day go. No back-breaking, limping, forgot-to-cook-dinner-and-now-everyone-is-eating-McDonald's orgasms, but rather a delicious release of mind and body stress that brings with it a sigh and a satisfied grin. It's almost...comforting? It left me mellow and ready to face the world again.
I can see this being the perfect companion for work travel when you need to chill the fuck out the night before a big presentation. If I were single, I would also totally use this bad boy before a date, especially with a hot but probably bad-for-me guy. You know, just to make sure I went into the evening thinking with my head and not my vagina. (There's a pro tip for you younger gals.)
My final verdict is that I really like this. Maude keeps things simple and has only a few products, all of which are elegant, understated, and well-made. You can tell that what they do sell is perfect for its purpose—no outlandish claims of orgasms so amazing that you will never need dick again. Think of the Maude vibe like the feeling of hot cocoa on fall days. In fact, as the temps have been dropping, I'm tempted to cuddle with it under a nice fleece blanket all season long.
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